Dream Crushers

We want more in life.  We have this desire, this need, to grow and do more.  Be more.

But, then something gets it our way.  That something is the very reason only 1% achieve that success so many of us crave.  Instead of dealing with that something, we choose safety and security.

We resist.  We react. We avoid.

They are called Dream Crushers. They are called uncomfortable emotions.

Fear

Doubt

Overwhelm

Frustration

Worry

Confusion

Embarrassment

Anxiety

Inadequacy

Why do they matter so much? How can this simple thing stop us from achieving our dreams?

We don’t like the way negative emotions feel.  We attempt to change them or avoid them. The three most common ways of dealing with these dream crushers are overeating, overdrinking, and overworking.  So, we stay stuck – getting no closer to our dreams.

But, that feeling or emotion is simply a vibration in your body that is caused by a thought.  Really. A feeling is simply a vibration, and nothing more.

Really think about that. Those dream crushers, those vibrations that you don’t want to feel, are what is standing between you and your dreams.

I’m ready to change how I think about these negative emotions.  Are you?

Comparison

I have never had what you might call a green thumb.  In fact, I have trouble keeping any plant alive.

Now, fake plants.  They are my jam. I can keep them alive, no problem.

So, when I planted bluebonnets seeds last fall, I didn’t hold my breath. But, yall! We have FIFTEEN bluebonnets.  I am so excited I can hardly stand it!

Now, here is the thing.  I look over into my neighbors’ yard, and they have an entire field of bluebonnets.  

If I compare my measly 15 to their field, I’m going to feel pretty crappy about those 15 beauties.  But, why would I do that?

Why would I compare my accomplishments to theirs?  Does that serve me in any way? No. So, I don’t do it.

I appreciate their ability to grow bluebonnets and enjoy the view.

I also compare my 15 bluebonnets to is when we lived at our last house.  I tried planting bluebonnets for years. The most I ever got to grow was seven.

Do you know what that means?  That means my 15 bluebonnets represent a 200% improvement over my last accomplishment. That is amazing!

In life, we always have a choice.  We can compare ourselves to others, or we can compare ourselves to ourselves.  

I think I’ll choose door #2.  

How about you?  What will you choose?

#Truth

My coach was sharing 5 pieces of wisdom.  

There was one sentence that really stuck out to me. “Tell yourself the truth,” she said.

So, I decided to take a closer look.

Why did this one sentence mean so much to me?

You see, I have always been a big believer in the truth. I’ve never liked being called a liar.  I find it offensive, really.

It turns out, I value truth above all else… for other people.

But, I didn’t respect myself enough to be honest with me.

It is funny that you can lie to yourself.  You would think that would be impossible.

After all, I can hear all of my own thoughts. But, I got good at lying to myself.  I could turn the volume way down on the truth and paint a prettier picture of reality in my brain.

Awareness is 90% of the battle.

So, I’m done with lying to myself.

If I’m going to eat that pizza, I’m going to eat it knowing I’m doing it to comfort myself… not because my son suggested it… not because I was STARVING… not because it was just on the way home.

Turns out, I’m not the only one who is masterful at lying to themselves.  Lots of us are really good at pulling the wool over our own eyes.

Here were my coach’s 5 pieces of advice:

  1. Don’t hide.
  2. Stay skeptical.
  3. Tell yourself the truth.
  4. Be brave.
  5. Have fun with this.

Which one speaks to you? Why?

Joy

This picture brings me so much joy my heart just wants to burst.  This is my amazing world.

This man in his pjs.

These two dogs.

This sunset.

This view.

The water… the colors… the quiet…. the calm.

And, there is me – behind the camera, sitting on the porch, reading a book, and taking it all in.

This is my heart, my joy.

I am so grateful.

Look around you.  See your joy. Soak it all in.

What are you grateful for?

Action & Reaction

All of my hard work for the last six months culminated last week…  *** …By the end of it, I was emotionally and physically exhausted….

***I deleted the entirety of this story.  Although entertaining truth, it is irrelevant to what happened next. See, all of my reasons why I acted in the manner I did doesn’t change these 4 sentences.


A child told me, “Those grown ups are yelling at me, telling me to hurry up.”

I thought, “How awful are those adults to yell and be rude to a kid!”

I felt angry.

When I approached them and one of them said something rude to me, I engaged with them. We all said lots of rude things back and forth in very loud voices.

As a result, I was rude and yelled at them… notice a pattern?


My point is, because I didn’t manage my thoughts before interacting with the adults, I REACTED to them from a place of ANGER.

End. Of. Story.

None of the other details matter.

What they did doesn’t matter.

Why they did it doesn’t matter.

Because, I can’t control other people.  All I can do is control me. I am not the morality police. It is not my place to judge.  It is not my place to teach them a lesson or make them feel the way I perceived that child felt.

If I was faced with the same situation, I would still defend that child.  But, I would come from a place of love.

How in the world could I possibly come from a place of love when I perceive such an injustice, you ask?

We are all going through something.  Who knows what has happened or is happening in those people’s lives to cause them to act the way they did.  

My only goal would be to help out that child (whether that meant interacting with those adults or not). I would ACT with compassion, not react from anger.

For me…

Mistake made.

Reflection done.

Lesson learned.

Moving on.

For you…

Remember love… even when it is the hardest emotion to feel in the moment. You can’t go wrong if you are acting from love.

My Busiest Week of the Year

This week, I am managing my time.  I am focusing on what need to get done – one step at a time.

I could give into overwhelm.  It is my busiest week of the school year.  I have 3 finals for school and 2 Field Days for my students.  Months of learning and planning will culminate in a few, short hours.

It’s a lot… on top of my already full days.  In the past, I was like a ticking time bomb. People avoided me until after it was all over.

But, this year, I’ve managed my mind… and my time:

  • I ask others to help me when I need it… instead of trying to do it all myself.
  • In my 30 minute lunch, I am eating and studying… instead of Facebooking.
  • Sitting in the pick up line at my son’s school, I am listening to my audiobooks & classes… instead of playing Candy Crush.
  • While donating plasma, I am reading my textbook… instead of watching a movie.
  • I am creating Heat Sheets while my students are practicing for Field Day events… the list could go on & on.

I am managing my time – even those few minutes here and there.

Don’t get me wrong… I still have downtime.  Because, it is on my calendar – scheduled… because, it is important.  Everything that is important is on there.

I am getting more done in the same 24 hours I’ve always had, and I’m not stressing over it.

On Friday, I will take a moment (or two) to appreciate how it all came together… and that I didn’t give in to overwhelm, spiraling out of control.

It is going to feel amazing.

Addiction or Overdesire?

Have you ever wanted to not want to drink an entire bottle of wine?

Have you ever wanted to not want to eat the entire batch of homemade cookies?

Have you ever wanted to be able to eat just one slice of pizza?

Have you ever wanted to be able to drink just one glass of wine?

So many of us overeat or overdrink on a regular basis.

We are often overwhelmed with shame and guilt – hiding or justifying our actions.  I can’t help but wonder how many of us feel this way but aren’t willing to say it out loud. I’m certain you are not alone.

I want to offer a different perspective – one that gives you a chance to get back the control in your life. Instead of focusing on the symptoms, let’s look at the cause of overdrinking or overeating.

It is the concept of overdesire.

We often buffer our emotions with substances.  It is much easier to numb them than to deal with them.  

We increase our use over time which increases our desire.  Our cravings and urges become artificially inflated beyond our evolved ability to satisfy. When we try to cut back, it increases our desire by the withholding of it.  It feels like we are consuming against our own will or that we are out of control. Once we run out of willpower, we are right back to overconsuming.

The solution is to reduce the desire.  When that is gone, there will be no need for willpower to direct our behavior.

How do I reduce desire?

  1. Write a plan for your food or drinks.
  2. Commit to your plan.  Your reason to commit must be stronger than the urges you will encounter.
  3. Follow your plan no matter what.
  4. Be willing to feel the emotions that come up.
  5. Know you will fail at following your plan, but commit to never giving up.

If you keep doing the same things, you will keep getting the same results.

If you want a new result, you have to start taking different actions.  Imagine what your life could be like.

If you are ready to get control over your life, click here for a FREE Life Assessment.

(Note: If you believe you are addicted to a substance, using a substance hazardously or with negligence, please seek help.  The information in this blog is not intended for you.)

Out of Control

Does your life feel out of control?

Are you in charge of your life, or is life in charge of you?

There are so many things we want to control but can’t find the way.


  • How is my house always dirty?
  • My son’s coach plays favorites. My son is not one of them. Grr.
  • Why can’t these people drive the speed limit or get out of my way?
  • Why won’t my husband help out more?
  • Why are we always broke?
  • How can they afford to go on all those vacations?
  • Why am I the only person who can change out the toilet paper?
  • Don’t teachers know we have other things to do besides homework all night?
  • Why is my boss so critical?
  • Why aren’t my children more respectful and well behaved?
  • I never have enough time.

We get frustrated.

We get overwhelmed.

Instead of finding solutions, we just turn it all off.  We escape reality and comfort ourselves with pleasure.

  • We drink.
  • We shop.
  • We eat comfort foods.
  • We binge watch Netflix.
  • We scroll mindlessly through Facebook or achieve level 682 in Candy Crush.

We find comfort.  But, it is only temporary.  When we wake up in the morning, it is all there again… plus a few more pounds… or a nasty hangover… or any empty bank account… or a worn spot on the couch.  We do it all again.


How do I regain control of my life?

How do I get a different result at the end of my day?

If you keep doing the same things, you will keep getting the same results.

If you want a new result, you have to start taking different actions.  Imagine what your life could be like.

If you are ready to get control over your life, click here for a FREE Life Assessment.

The Teenager

Today, I was waiting in the car for my 15 year old daughter.  I had been waiting there for ten minutes (as usual). I was annoyed.

Doesn’t she know that is rude?

In church, she was standing next to me… arms crossed, looking half asleep, and non-responsive when I spoke to her.  I was irritated.

Doesn’t she know why we go here?

In a brief moment of passing in our busy lives, she gave me attitude and eye roll (not her father, mind you… just me).  I was miffed.

Doesn’t she know I was just trying to connect with her?

I texted her we needed to do her NHS application and AP exam registration when she got home.  When she arrived, she went to her room without saying a word to me. I was bothered.

Doesn’t she know she needs my help with that (or at least my credit card)?

At dinner, she pulled her phone out and stopped speaking to us.  I was irked.

Doesn’t she know that is unacceptable?

The list could go on… but, you get the idea.

Later that day, we were standing in a group of people talking, and I was watching her interacting with others.  She was kind, friendly, compassionate, smiling, interacting, and… my sweet girl.

See, she does know all of those things.  We have taught her well. That was our job.  Now, our job is to just love her… and let her go.  She is learning to find her own way. I don’t need to judge or micro-manage her.  I just need to love her… unconditionally… with all the good and the bad that comes with being human.

She is actually a pretty amazing individual if you ever get lucky enough to meet her.  You will think that I’m the crazy one… making up stuff about this beautiful, young woman.  Because, she gets it. She really does. She just needs to spread her wings, and that means pushing me out of her way for a while.  I’m okay with that.

The lesson for me… just love her.  All too soon, she will be gone. Besides, I can’t control those little things that bug me anyway.  Could I give her consequences? Absolutely. But, I think I’ll save that for the big stuff. For now, I’ll just be there when she does decide she needs my help.

Do you need help sorting through your relationship with your child?  Click here to talk to Angela.

My Year-end Review

Happy Birthday to Me!

I don’t normally reflect on my past.  What’s done is done.

I’m a forward momentum kinda girl.  But, this past year deserves a look back.

You see, this is the year I discovered Life Coaching.  It changed everything for me.

Most of the changes you can’t see.  They are on the inside.  But, you can feel them when you are around me.  I am full of happiness and hope, intent and focus.  I enjoy life every, single day.


Here are just a few things I have learned:

I can feel any emotion and be ok.  No emotion is too big. It is just a vibration in my body.

Overweight is caused by overeating which is caused by overhunger and overdesire.

My relationship with another person is all in my mind.  Their relationship with me is in theirs.

I can allow my desires unanswered without using willpower.

People pleasing = lying.  I don’t really want to do it, so I’m dishonest to say that I do.

Weight loss is 90% what I put in my mouth.

The low fat, low calorie, high exercise approach to losing weight doesn’t in the long run. The goal is to lower my insulin.

My past happened.  All I have now from it are my thoughts about it.   It doesn’t control my future.

It doesn’t matter if we all eat the same thing at dinner.

I no longer need to buffer my emotions with alcohol, food, or screen time.

Other people’s opinions of me are none of my business.

I need to drop the “manuals” I have for other people.  They don’t follow them anyway.

I have found my purpose – to serve others by helping them achieve their goals.

I can love anyone unconditionally… especially myself.


If any of these resonated with you, just click here to ask me any questions you have. I’m here to help you reach your goals, too.