Goals

Have you made your goals for 2019?

No, I don’t mean the resolutions that so many have already quit on by now.  I mean your goals… what you are actually going to accomplish by the end of the year.

Either way, here is what you need to do.

  1. Write them down.
  2. Read them to yourself EVERY DAY. (You have to tell your brain what to focus on.  Otherwise, it will choose on it’s own. Supervise your brain.)
  3. Put your goals on 3×5 index cards, and read them at stoplights throughout the day.
  4. If you are into creativity, make a vision board.  Put it up where you will see it every day… like in your closet or office.

That is it.  You will be amazed how laser-focused you will be on achieving those goals.  Now, get to it!

Your Mission

Your Mission… should you choose to accept it is…

  1. to DECIDE what you truly want.
  2. SHOW UP every single day for yourself.
  3. Develop HABITS that will get you where you want to be.

First, and foremost, you have to OWN IT.  No one is making you do this. It is your choice.

Second, you must decide to BELIEVE IT.  If you want to weigh 140 pounds, stop living like a 190 pound person.  See yourself now as that 140 lb version. What choice would she make.

Third, begin to LIVE IT.  Experience life as the person you want to be every, single day.  It is all your choice. Make a habit of choosing your best life.

Mean Girls

Bare with me here… I’m on a bit of a rant today…

Do you know what I don’t like?  Mean girls… make that mean women.  Grown women acting like we are back in high school…  The drama, fighting, and pettiness brings out my fight or flight instincts… and I’m a fighter.  But, girls don’t throw punches. They are underhanded, manipulative, backstabbing. The funny thing is, it is so obvious to me what is happening.  Do these women actually think the rest of us don’t see through it all?

I innocently happened upon such a group of women recently.  It is a battle of “be my friend, not hers”. It is a lot of… I’m going to butter you up and say nice things to you.  But, my real intention is to pull you to my side and make you hate her. She is bad. She is evil. O.M.G.

THIS is why I have very few women friends.  If you open the circle up too wide, you step in a whole lot of control and manipulation.  It will ruin your favorite pair of shoes.

But, here is the thing… your relationship with anyone is dependent on your thoughts about them. Have any of these women told me “I am being mean to her intentionally,” or “I am trying to control and manipulate you,”? No!  All of this is my thoughts about how these women are acting. The only reason I recognize these behaviors as “mean girl” behaviors is I have experience with them (on both sides of the coin).  My thoughts are coming from my own experience.

And, as Wayne Dyer points out, we attract the energy we are putting out into the universe.  Hhmmmm… need to do a self-check here.

Guess what.  Adults get to do whatever they want to do.  They can be mean girls if they want to be.  Don’t try to control them, either.  Adults don’t like that (check with yourself… you don’t like to be controlled and manipulated, do you?).

Here is what you are responsible for… you.  That’s it. If you don’t like the way someone is acting, leave.  If you are in an environment where leaving is not a choice, don’t interact with that individual.  You only have to take care of you.  Stay in your business.

I always find it easier for me in these situations to be curious about why someone would be so mean, coercive, or flat out cruel.  It takes me out of the equation… which takes away my desire to be the Queen Bee Mean Girl – putting said offender in their place.  People who act this way are always defensive (that is my thought on the matter based on my experiences).  I wonder what is going so wrong in their lives that they feel the need to lash out at others.

I am trying to just love them as humans.  They are people… and they were simply nice people in my mind last week – before I knew of the underhanded drama.  So, I am choosing to love of them while keeping my distance. I don’t do drama any more.

Insecure

I’ll have some turkey, with a side of Insecurity…

The holiday season is a joyful time for some and a stressful time for many.  

There are external pressures and expectations around this time of year.  

There are interactions with those that you have not seen in a long time. Whether or not they bring up your weight loss (or lack thereof), you are thinking about it.

How am I going to handle eating at parties?

How can I stay on protocol with all of these unknowns in my plans?

How am I still this fat? I swore to myself that by next Christmas, I would have lost it all… and here I am. I have spent a year losing the same 10 pounds over and over.

Why did she just ask me what diet I’m on now?  What is that supposed to mean?

I could go on and on… our insecurities blossom when our defenses are down.

It is time to stop.  Take a breath. Realize how truly far you have come this year.  Maybe the scale doesn’t show it. But, you do.

Today, celebrate your successes.  Leave your insecurities for your Thought Downloads later.  

Holiday Game: Turn it Around

Here is a fun, little holiday game to play!

So many of us struggle with relationships over the holidays.  Uncle Tom farts too much. Grandma Claire blows her nose at the dinner table.  Cousin John gets wasted and won’t stop arguing with the dog, and Susie can’t stop bragging about how magnificently perfect her two little brats are.  Ah, family… gotta love ‘em!

But, sometimes all of this nonsense can be a drag, and we find ourselves spiralling with negative thoughts about everyone and everything.  We turn into the Grinch often before we even step foot into their immaculate, perfectly decorated, festive home.

But, I digress… in these moments of holiday turmoil, play Turn it Around.

Take whatever nasty, unproductive thought you are having and turn it back on yourself.

I hate Uncle Fred’s temper…. I hate my temper.

Cousin Greg can’t get over the past…. I can’t get over the past.

Lindsey is so judgemental…. I am so judgemental.

Hhhmmmm…. I see where this is going.

Try it.  It can shed some light on some of your darkest thoughts.

Or… it can be really funny… I can’t stop bragging about how magnificently perfect my two little brats are.  L.O.L.

Have a magnificent holiday season!

Buffering

Let’s talk about Buffering. So many of us try to avoid our emotions with food or alcohol or Netflix. We give into the urges that we have.

We want to stop buffering. We try to stop by resisting the urges, which only makes them bigger. We try to distract ourselves or avoid it altogether. Again, our urges get stronger.

Those urges are coming from our primitive brain. It is like a toddler throwing a temper tantrum in the middle of the grocery store – flailing on the floor and screaming at the top on it’s lungs until you give in.

To stop buffering, you have to ALLOW the urge with NO RESPONSE. You have to let your primitive brain have it’s fit until it is done. Most people feel like that urge is intolerable.

But, allowing an urge is a skill. You have to practice that skill to get good at it. Every time you allow the screaming fit with no response, the tantrums become less and farther in between.

You have to take a step back and just allow it. Witness it. Observe what is happening inside your primitive brain. Be curious about it.

But, here is the secret. Your primitive brain has a lot to say. But, it can’t do anything on it’s own. Only your prefrontal part of your brain can actually go get the donut or the wine.

So, bring those urges into your conscious brain, and make the decision to watch your primitive brain with fascination. It is the first huge step in changing your overdesire for good.

Failing

Failure is defined as not getting the results that were expected.

Failure is a skill.

We are not taught how to fail. It should be a lesson right up there with reading and math, because we all fail.

Failure is valuable. We learn to grow. We learn to become a better version of ourselves.

But, failure feels awful. We think we are supposed to be happy all the time. So, failure must be bad, right?

It’s not. Failure is a door opening on a new path in life.

Embrace failure. Learn from it.

Shadows of the Past

Most of us have something from our past that is difficult.  We still carry it around with us. Some of us feel like it is holding us back – so much that we feel our lives are limited by the experience.

Pain of the past is heavy.  It weighs us down. We allow our past to have such a strong grip on our present.

But, here is the thing.  Whatever happened in your past happened… in your past.  It is not part of your present. The circumstances of our past are done.  

The only parts that remain of that experience are our thoughts about what happened.  And, that is good news. Because, although we may not have been able to control circumstances in the past, we can control our thoughts now.

Are your thoughts about the past serving you?  Probably not.

We tend to see ourselves as victims in the present because of what we could not control in the past.  But, we don’t have to think about it that way any longer.

It is time to take your power back in your life. Write it all down.  Release all of the anger, resentment, sadness, hatred, hurt, pain… all of it.  Put it down on paper. Write down all of those things you wish you could have said… what you wish you could have done.  And, then, destroy the paper. This is just for you – no one else.

The events of the past are facts.  We can’t change them. (Honestly, I wouldn’t want to change my past.  It has made me so much stronger of a person today.)

We can leave the facts of the past behind, and change our thoughts to lift ourselves up.  We experienced things others couldn’t even understand. Use that strength to fuel a better world for yourself and others.

You deserve it.

Emotions: The Reason for Everything

Emotions are the reason we do everything we do.

We lose weight to feel happier.  We get a new job to feel happier.  We get a new partner to feel happier.

But, it doesn’t work.  We have to find out how to be happy first… and we look to our thoughts.  What we choose to think can make us happy.

But, what are emotions anyway?

They are simply vibrations in our body.

So many of us  have been trained to ignore or push down our emotions… to not feel them… to ignore, avoid, or resist them.

But, what exactly are we fighting so hard against?

It is just a vibration in your body.

Try this.  Imagine a cute, little green alien.  He does not know “emotions” or “feelings”. He asks you to describe what your emotions feel like in your body.  What words can you use to describe what is happening in your body?

Start paying attention to your body.  Try to allow those emotions (not react or resist… just feel the physical sensations).

365 Ways

I have always been an all or nothing kind of girl.

I’m always moving at 100 mph with my hair on fire.  You have to pay close attention, or you might miss me altogether.

There has never been an in between for me.  I’m all in or not even gonna give it the time of day.

But, it can be exhausting… mentally or physically.

I want to live with intensity and purpose – serving others as I go.  But, I don’t want to miss what is going on right around me.

I am learning to take it one day at a time… be present in each moment… creating myself each minute of each day.

Each day I will focus on a single action. You can follow me on this journey or begin your own:

365 Ways – Building Beautiful Warriors one day at a time