Let’s talk about Buffering. So many of us try to avoid our emotions with food or alcohol or Netflix. We give into the urges that we have.
We want to stop buffering. We try to stop by resisting the urges, which only makes them bigger. We try to distract ourselves or avoid it altogether. Again, our urges get stronger.
Those urges are coming from our primitive brain. It is like a toddler throwing a temper tantrum in the middle of the grocery store – flailing on the floor and screaming at the top on it’s lungs until you give in.
To stop buffering, you have to ALLOW the urge with NO RESPONSE. You have to let your primitive brain have it’s fit until it is done. Most people feel like that urge is intolerable.
But, allowing an urge is a skill. You have to practice that skill to get good at it. Every time you allow the screaming fit with no response, the tantrums become less and farther in between.
You have to take a step back and just allow it. Witness it. Observe what is happening inside your primitive brain. Be curious about it.
But, here is the secret. Your primitive brain has a lot to say. But, it can’t do anything on it’s own. Only your prefrontal part of your brain can actually go get the donut or the wine.
So, bring those urges into your conscious brain, and make the decision to watch your primitive brain with fascination. It is the first huge step in changing your overdesire for good.
Failure is defined as not getting the results that were expected.
Failure is a skill.
We are not taught how to fail. It should be a lesson right up there with reading and math, because we all fail.
Failure is valuable. We learn to grow. We learn to become a better version of ourselves.
But, failure feels awful. We think we are supposed to be happy all the time. So, failure must be bad, right?
It’s not. Failure is a door opening on a new path in life.
Embrace failure. Learn from it.
Most of us have something from our past that is difficult. We still carry it around with us. Some of us feel like it is holding us back – so much that we feel our lives are limited by the experience.
Pain of the past is heavy. It weighs us down. We allow our past to have such a strong grip on our present.
But, here is the thing. Whatever happened in your past happened… in your past. It is not part of your present. The circumstances of our past are done.
The only parts that remain of that experience are our thoughts about what happened. And, that is good news. Because, although we may not have been able to control circumstances in the past, we can control our thoughts now.
Are your thoughts about the past serving you? Probably not.
We tend to see ourselves as victims in the present because of what we could not control in the past. But, we don’t have to think about it that way any longer.
It is time to take your power back in your life. Write it all down. Release all of the anger, resentment, sadness, hatred, hurt, pain… all of it. Put it down on paper. Write down all of those things you wish you could have said… what you wish you could have done. And, then, destroy the paper. This is just for you – no one else.
The events of the past are facts. We can’t change them. (Honestly, I wouldn’t want to change my past. It has made me so much stronger of a person today.)
We can leave the facts of the past behind, and change our thoughts to lift ourselves up. We experienced things others couldn’t even understand. Use that strength to fuel a better world for yourself and others.
You deserve it.
Emotions are the reason we do everything we do.
We lose weight to feel happier. We get a new job to feel happier. We get a new partner to feel happier.
But, it doesn’t work. We have to find out how to be happy first… and we look to our thoughts. What we choose to think can make us happy.
But, what are emotions anyway?
They are simply vibrations in our body.
So many of us have been trained to ignore or push down our emotions… to not feel them… to ignore, avoid, or resist them.
But, what exactly are we fighting so hard against?
It is just a vibration in your body.
Try this. Imagine a cute, little green alien. He does not know “emotions” or “feelings”. He asks you to describe what your emotions feel like in your body. What words can you use to describe what is happening in your body?
Start paying attention to your body. Try to allow those emotions (not react or resist… just feel the physical sensations).
I have always been an all or nothing kind of girl.
I’m always moving at 100 mph with my hair on fire. You have to pay close attention, or you might miss me altogether.
There has never been an in between for me. I’m all in or not even gonna give it the time of day.
But, it can be exhausting… mentally or physically.
I want to live with intensity and purpose – serving others as I go. But, I don’t want to miss what is going on right around me.
I am learning to take it one day at a time… be present in each moment… creating myself each minute of each day.
Each day I will focus on a single action. You can follow me on this journey or begin your own:
365 Ways – Building Beautiful Warriors one day at a time
Round 1: Food VS Brain: Who will win?
Planning your food seems like such a simple thing. You write down all the food you are planning to eat the next day. Then, the next day, you just eat what is on your plan…. and WAALAAA! Instant weight loss success… if only this darn brain of mine didn’t come up with some pretty convincing change of plans.
My brain is designed to look out for all the dangers in the world. A change in routine would constitute danger to my brain. So, it goes to work to convince me that eating a salad for lunch is just plain dumb. I would feel so much better with the usual – a nice burger and fries.
Most of us agree with our brains without much more persuasion than that. A burger and fries, please! I’ll start my diet again tomorrow.
But, then we start catching on to that trickery of our brain. We deny our brain’s request for the burger and fries. So, our brains turn it up a notch – increasing desire until we give in. I’ll start my diet on Monday.
This same pattern happens over and over again. Our brain keeps leveling up the intensity and urgency of the desire. We keep giving in… reinforcing our brain’s tactics. It is like we have been held hostage by that salad, and only our brain can rescue us from the situation.
The truth is, we need to rescue ourselves from our brains. Changing habits is hard. Your brain doesn’t like it. But, you have to sit with those urges and desires. You can’t give into them. Eat your salad. Your brain will throw an all out temper tantrum that would rival a 3 year old princess wanting an ice cream cone. But, when you don’t give in, the brain eventually learns that salad may just be alright… after about 50 urges, your brain will step up and agree with you that salads are amazing, your weight loss is amazing, and WAAAAAALAAA! Weight loss is in the bag.
Round 1 goes to the Salad!
Dexter called it his “Dark Passenger”.
I call mine the Darkness.
We all have it. It is that place deep, down inside our minds that will take control if we let it.
It protects us in times of extreme danger. It allows us to do what we need to do to survive.
But, sometimes, we don’t put it away. We didn’t mean to let it back out. We didn’t even see it coming. The Darkness can consume you. It turns on you. Instead of protecting you, it destroys you.
Many of us have unleashed our Darkness.
It may take you fast… when you just can’t find the reason to get out of bed again.
But, it takes many of us slowly. One drink becomes two… three… four… the entire bottle. One piece of pizza becomes five… six… the entire pie. One cookie becomes three… five… the entire batch.
One day, we wake up and wonder what happened. How did we get here? And, how do we get back? The Darkness has creeped into every shadow, every corner of your life.
But, there is good news. You can control the Darkness. It may take some time. It has been years since you were the one in charge.
But, never lose hope. The Darkness can be extinguished by building your inner light. Strengthen your belief in yourself and find the way back.
It won’t happen overnight. There is no quick fix. Your darkness is powerful; you designed it that way. Now, it is time to craft your Light.
Worry is defined as: a state of anxiety and uncertainty over actual or potential problems.
Worry is about what might or might not happen.
Worry is about tomorrow.
Worry is not serving you.
Some mothers feel they are not good mothers if they are not worrying about their children.
Does worrying help your children? I know my worries about my kids’ grades did not help them pass.
Does worrying serve you as a mom? I know my worries about my kids’ grades turned me into an ogre. I was trying to control something out of my control.
Worrying about our children is counterproductive. Guide them instead.
Worrying about the future is counterproductive. Plan for the future instead.
Worrying about problems is counterproductive. Look for a solution instead.
Worrying is a useless endeavor.
Change your perspective.
Worry is not serving you.
What do you want to see happen in your life? What do you want to change?
The moment you decide to change, there is a problem.
The problem is when you decide to be different, to change, your brain has 1000 excuses to stay the same.
Change is not comfortable. It is messy and hard.
Have you ever gone to the gym in January? You have to wait half an hour to get on a treadmill.
Have you ever gone to the gym in March? You have all 30 treadmills to yourself.
Only 8% of New Year’s resolutions are kept. We have good intentions.
Excuses…. Excuses…. Excuses
Your motivation has to come from your “why”. Why do you want this change?
Your “why” has to be compelling enough to overcome the excuses.
I know I’ve been working towards my goal for 10 months with no success.
I haven’t achieved it.
SO WHAT?! Do these thoughts get me any closer to my goal? Um, no. What I’m NOT going to do is quit on myself. No more excuses.
Just do it. No excuses. Just go.
Have you ever thought you would be really good at something? I mean really good at something? Like there is no doubt in you mind good at something?
So, as any logical, passionate human would do, you pursue that something. You put your heart, mind, and soul trying to get there.
And, just when you are about to reach your something… so close you can taste it… BOOM! You fall flat on your face. You pull a big ol’ FAIL.
You are devastated. How could this even happen to you? You were so sure this was your path… your road to your dreams… your destiny. And, you blew it.
*failure is ok*
Wait! What?! What do you mean ‘failure is ok’? Don’t you understand my life is over? My dreams are crushed?
*failure is ok*
I DON’T THINK YOU ARE HEARING ME! I FAILED! THAT MEANS MY SOMETHING IS NOW NOTHING!
*failure is not the end. it is just a bump in the road. keep going. learn from your mistake and move onward and upward.*
Really?! You think I can still reach my something?
I CAN do this! So what I had one little fail. I’m a stronger person because of it. I will push forward. I will be magnificent at my something… and I will enjoy my journey there.