Love Me

Most of us are fortunate enough in our lives to have people that love us… no matter what we do. 

But, what about you? 

Do you love you?

I thought I loved me.  

I thought I treated myself with compassion… until I met with my coach the other day. 

She pointed out the mean things I was saying about myself… 

the eye rolls when talking about how I messed up… 

the negative language I used to talk about myself. 

Y’all, I am not very nice to me.

It took my coach to point it out to me so that I could see it, too.

Understand that I do not like sharing this with you. 

I’m way too vulnerable at this moment. 

But, if you can be helped by my discovery, I’m all in.  

You see, I can love the hell out of you

I accept that you have stuff to deal with. 

I have compassion for you.

I flat out think you are amazing, valuable, and worthy of love

So, why is it so hard for me to feel that way about me? 

Maybe because I’ve been fighting with myself since I was about 14… never good enough. 

It doesn’t really matter how I got here.

It is where I am. 

…and, I just want to change it. 

Now, about the how. 

How do I learn to love myself?

With lots and lots of practice… and awareness

***I have a feeling this might take a while. 

But, every time I catch myself putting myself down for a decision, I will turn it around. 

I will change that thought into a loving and accepting one. 

The hardest part for me is the awareness. 

I am totally willing to love me, but those negative thoughts are sneaky. 

My brain is trained to think them. 

I need to unlearn that behavior and retrain my brain with love and compassion

So, here I go… with humility and compassion.

***Ha! I caught this one. It might not take long at all. This statement is just more of me thinking I’m not capable…  My new thought: I will succeed no matter how long it takes. 
There. That feels much better. 

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Be Proud

I want to be proud of myself. 

How do I do that?

All I have to do is follow through on the commitments I make to myself. 

I plan the decisions ahead of time with my prefrontal cortex (that “adulting” part of my brain). 

But, in the moment, I conveniently forget. 

I allow my toddler brain to take over. 

My toddler would much rather have instant gratification than meet my long term goals.

In the moment, there is no rational thinking once I let my toddler brain run the show.

And, I’ve been letting that happen for so long, the neural pathways have been formed well from much repetition.

Make a plan.  In the moment, break the plan.  Feel good in the moment. Beat myself up over breaking the plan later.  Repeat.

I am tired of being disappointed in myself and being a victim to my own thoughts.

Do you know who can change the cycle?

Yep, me.  Just me.

 My reason to change has to be bigger and stronger than the desire of the moment.

It takes practice – lots of it.

It takes going through being uncomfortable and doing things I don’t want to do.

Then, I need to acknowledge , recognize, and celebrate every time I am successful in meeting my commitment.  

I have to love myself all the way to my goal instead of tearing myself down when I stumble.  

After all, we all make mistakes.

Decide ahead of time. Practice. Focus on success. Be proud. Repeat.

Keep doing this until it is all that I do.

I will be proud of me.

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The Solution

When something isn’t working… 

When we aren’t reaching our goals…

We look outside of ourselves for the answer… a solution. 

We look for a… a new diet plan, a new drinking plan, a new anything to make us be successful. 

But, you already have everything you need. 

All you need is you. 

You have the answers.

You know what you need to do.

Life is not happening to you. You are making choices…

You choose to think it… you choose to feel it… you choose to do it.

You are choosing your mindset, feelings, and actions every minute.

Here is the good news. 

You can change it all, or you can keep it all. 

You can change who you are and what you are doing in seconds. 

I promise. 

But, here is the problem. 

Your primitive brain doesn’t like change. 

It makes change very hard. 

Because, back in the day, “leaving the cave” was dangerous. 

And, that is ok.  Your primitive brain is just doing its job… seeking pleasure, avoiding pain, and conserving energy.

If you ever run into a tiger walking down the street, your primitive brain has got you. 

But, if you don’t want to eat the donut, don’t want to drink the margarita, or do want to go to the gym, you are going to have to explain to your primitive brain that it will be ok. We will survive (and get better).

Here is a very important piece of advice. 

Only try changing ONE thing this week. 

Practice it over and over and over. 

You CAN make the changes to reach your goals. 

You have everything you need.  You just need you. 

Quit looking outside of yourself for the answers.

The solution is within you.

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Willful Blindness

Willful blindness is a term used in legal proceedings meaning conscious avoidance.

It means to ignore what is right in front of you.

It is refusing to look at what can be seen.

Willful blindness happens to us all… especially when it comes to our own minds.

We don’t want to see why we eat so much.

We don’t want to see why we yell at the ones we love the most.

We don’t want to see why we drink too much.

We don’t want to see… because, it will probably be painful.

There is no room in your world for willful blindness.

You can never move forward. 

You can never grow.

You stay stuck in blissful ignorance.

It is okay to be wrong.

Open your mind.  See what is right in front of you.

Question everything you believe.

Ask yourself, “How am I wrong about that?

Ask yourself every single time you choose to ignore what is hiding beneath the surface.

If there is something to be seen, you must look.


You won’t regret it.

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They Drive Me Crazy!

Don’t some drivers just make you crazy?!

Yeah, me too…

…except that one little fact that other people can’t MAKE me feel anything.  


I’m the only one feeling the frustration.  I want them to suffer from their poor driving, too.

But, they just keep on 

  • Singing away
  • Texting
  • Putting on makeup
  • Picking their nose.

They don’t even notice how frustrated I am with them.  

Because, they are not caught up in this whole line of thought that is going on in my head.

Only my thoughts about others’ driving can MAKE me feel that frustration (or anything else).

The way other people drive is simply a fact in life.

It is reality.

I can’t control it.

It is neutral.

Well, until I make it not neutral with my thoughts.

And, as I’m sure you already know, getting mad at other drivers does not serve me or you in any way.

Who knows?  Maybe you are that same infuriating, clueless driver for someone else.  

What?! Me?! Never….

So, the next time you are in rush hour traffic, remember that only your thoughts control how you feel.  

You are the only one in charge of you. 

Leave the other people to deal with their own stuff.

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Do You Want to Get Well?

Are you sick?

…sick of overeating?

…sick of being stressed?

…sick of having to control everything and everyone?

…sick of beating yourself up?

…sick of trying to please everyone?

…sick of trying to be perfect all the time?

When what is best for you is no longer what is most important to you, you are living at odds with yourself.

Are you ready to heal?

We wait for others to tell us how to heal.

We search for the “right” solution for us to heal… always looking outside of ourselves for the solution.

The truth is, we already know how to heal.

But, sometimes it is much easier to stay sick than to do the work to get better.

The change feels too big, overwhelming.  But, it is the only way to reach the other side.

You have to start with the little things.  Because, they will add up eventually.

Look to today, this moment.  What can you do to get closer to your healing?

Look in the mirror.  When you recognize who is looking back, you will lose your fear of healing.

What do you see and why?

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You are NOT Broken

There are 3 essential things I need you to know:

  1. You are NOT broken.
  2. NOTHING is wrong with you.
  3. You can do it.

Stop blaming yourself and beating yourself up for not reaching your goal.

You just haven’t reached it yet…

When you take away all of the lies your brain is telling you, you are just left with a habit that needs to be changed.

It may be getting rid of an old habit.

It may be creating a new habit.

It may be both.

There is no drama to it, just data.

To set a goal…

  • Write down where you are now.  Write down where you want to be.
  • List all the obstacles in your way.
  • Write a solution for each of the obstacles listed.
  • Set your intention (write down your goal statement).
    • Make is something you can measure with data.
    • Give yourself a deadline to complete your goal.

Now, break your goal down…

  • Let’s assume you set a one year goal (but it can be more or less).
  • Write down:
    • What are you going to do to get closer to your goal this MONTH?
    • What are you going to do to get closer to your goal this WEEK?
    • What are you going to do to get closer to your goal TODAY?
  • At the end of each week, evaluate your results.
    • Did you reach your weekly goal?
    • What worked?
    • What didn’t work?
    • What will you do differently for next week?
  • Repeat evaluations at the end of the month as well.

Remember, it is just data.  

Don’t let your brain tell you otherwise.  

You’ve got this.

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Organize Your Mind

There are so many ideas out there about losing weight.

  • No sugar, no flour
  • Food Journals
  • Intermittent fasting
  • Keto
  • Counting Macros
  • Counting Points
  • Counting Calories
  • Paleo
  • Shakes
  • Bars
  • … and endless advice on which foods are good for you and which are not (that has changed back and forth over the years).

I, for one, am overwhelmed.

But, the truth is… they all work… as long as you keep eating that way for the rest of your life.

For me, that takes most of them off the table.

We can listen to all the advice. But, in the end, each one of us has to figure out what works for our lives.

So, how do we organize all of this information in our brains without being overwhelmed?

Good news…

My coach, Brooke Castillo, has given me a process to organize my thoughts, and I want to share it with you.

It is a simple, yet effective process.

  1. Become aware of the thought.
  2. Ask three questions  – then make a decision. Do you intentionally keep that thought or let it go?
    1. Is this thought serving me?
    2. Do I really want it?
    3. Is this thought current or outdated?
  3. Say goodbye to the thoughts you don’t want.
  4. Create what you do want.

That’s it.  Writing it all down, of course, helps you to work through it all.

Who knows… maybe after you get your thoughts organized, you will be ready to organize that closet you’ve been ignoring.

Happy organizing, my friend!

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Where Are You?

The most common mistake we make when trying to lose weight is to fall into “diet mentality”. 

It is almost second nature to me.  If I want to lose weight, I do some drastic diet for a limited time – white knuckling my way through.

And, it works!

Until I go back to eating the same way as I did before.  Then, the weight just comes back (and brings a few extra pounds along for the ride).

To lose the weight AND KEEP IT OFF, you can’t resort to “diet mentality”.  

You have to change the way you think about food.

But, more importantly…. you have to start where you are.

If you are eating out 5 days a week for lunch, it is not a realistic plan to think you can switch to salads every single day for lunch.

Start where you are, and then make small changes. Maybe eat out only 3 days a week, and bring your lunch 2 days.

If you eat an entire sleeve of your favorite cookies every time you open a box, it is not a realistic plan to think you can eat just one.

Start where you are, and then make small changes.  Maybe pull 5 cookies out this time, and put the rest away.

If you snack before you go to bed every night, it is not a realistic plan to think you can just stop overnight.

Start where you are, and then make small changes.  Maybe eat only half of what you would normally eat each night.

Start where you are.

Make a realistic plan for yourself.

Changing habits takes time.  But, changed habits last for a lifetime.

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Endings are hard.

I’ve been going through a rigorous class with a group of 10 other women.

Some of us have become friends.

All of us have formed a bond.

We have had a month of “lasts”.

Tomorrow is graduation.

We are done.

The strings have been cut, and it is time to fly or fall.

I will miss these ladies.

I will still cheer them on from afar.

Endings are hard.

I don’t want to say goodbye.

But, we must move forward.

I am grateful for our shared experiences.

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