Working with a Life Coach Part One


Several of you have asked me what it is like to work with a Life Coach.  So, I decided to share my notes with you from 3 sessions with my Life Coach.  (These are just my notes – my “nuggets of wisdom” I wanted to take away from each session and my A-ha moments.)

Understand, I am a Life Coach myself and am really good at self-coaching and working through my thoughts.  

BUT, it is amazing how someone who is not inside your own head can help you shed light on what your brain is really telling you.

It is truly a transformational experience for me.  So good. I hope this helps you, too.

Session #1:

Urges: Don’t
Resist
Avoid
React

Do:
Allow


It requires a lot of effort to change.
I am still trying to be perfect… not obtainable
Need to be ok with discomfort


Neural Pathway in my brain – need to form a new one to create a new habit
Easier to do what you know
I have a lot of self judgment

Need to…
It’s ok to be me.
Practice self love
Being ok with who i am


Personify my discomfort:
My friend discomfort… here he is again.
Call my emotions my friends.


Unintentional Model:
C my food
T a cupcake would nice
F desire
A go to store, buy cupcakes, eat 3 when I get home
R give in to the desire

Intentional Model:
C my food
T I can feel any emotion & still stay on my plan.
F self-confident
A allow discomfort,  be better at allowing urges,
R A commitment to myself


Homework
Find solutions for obstacles:
Lack of structure in summer
Pool time leads to sugar time
Perfectionism – self judgment (who am I?)

Schedule a FREE Mini Coaching Session

Food is Fuel

To lose the weight for good, we have to change the way we feel about food.

We love food.

Food gives us pleasure.

We are foodies.

Food is a celebration.

Food is our friend.

The reason we can’t stick to our plan is because we are fighting against our own brains.

We have to change how we feel about food.  And, it won’t be easy. (Things that are really worth it never are.)

You will have to commit to allowing all of those urges that come up (without answering them!).

Food is simply fuel for our bodies.  There is nothing exciting about it. It just sits there.  It is our thoughts that make food so enticing.

That is the good news.  Because, we can change our thoughts.

Make your life exciting – not your food.  Look into your life. Where can you find pleasure outside of food?

Schedule a FREE Mini Coaching Session

Sabotage

Have you ever really wanted something and committed to giving it all you’ve got… just to fall short of success? Yeah. Me, too.

Why did you fail, you ask?

Was it others always distracting you?

Was it a faulty plan?

Was it others that didn’t do their part?

Was it uncontrollable circumstances getting in your way?

No. It wasn’t any of that. It was you. Just you.

You sabotaged your own success. Really. There is no other reason.

Think about it. Peel back the surface layers or how it happened.

Something happened.

It happened because of how you felt.

You felt that way because of a thought you had.

That’s it. You sabotaged your own success by that thought.

That is good news.

You can’t control other people or outside circumstances.

But, you CAN change your thoughts.

So, how do you get a different result?  

Change your thought.

I know you don’t believe me. But, it is really that simple.

Try it.

You will be amazed.

Schedule a FREE Mini Coaching Session

Self Confidence

What is the one thing most of us are lacking?

Self confidence.

What is self confidence?

Self confidence is:

  1. the ability to trust yourself
  2. the ability to experience any emotion
  3. your overall opinion of yourself

Trust yourself:

Know you will do what you say you will do, and follow through on your plan.

Self doubt is the opposite of self confidence.  If you can’t count on yourself, you feel insecure, out of control.

You have to consistently follow through on your word to yourself.

You earn self confidence from yourself by keeping your word to yourself.

Knowing you can experience any emotion:

The worst that can ever happen is an emotion.  Ever. Know you can experience any emotion all the way through, and process it.  

Knowing that you can handle the worst thing that can happen fills you will self confidence. It takes the risk out of everything and gives us a “bring it on” attitude.

Your opinion of yourself:

Your thoughts create your feelings.  What you think of yourself generates or depletes self confidence.

Why am I not self confident?

Most of us don’t manage our minds.  We feel out of control with our feelings and actions.  We are inconsistent and let ourselves down repeatedly. We seek perfection and avoid negative emotions.  This leaves us questioning our own abilities and having a very low opinion of ourselves. The result is self doubt and anxiety.

How can I become self confident?

Self confidence is a practiced self belief.

Change your thoughts about yourself, and practice those thoughts.

Don’t be afraid of failure or disappointment.

Know your brain does not produce self confidence naturally.  It looks for what is wrong, producing fear, worry, and doubt.  Be willing to feel discomfort consistently.

Don’t rely on your ability – rely on your belief that you can handle anything.

Do the stuff you are scared to do.  Repeat.

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It’s 50/50

Someone said you should try to be happy all the time.  They were wrong.

Sometimes, you feel down, and that’s okay.  But, it is not an excuse.

Some parents try so hard to protect their children from ever being sad or hurt.  It leaves them unprepared.

Life is not rainbow and daisies and unicorns.  It is not realistic.

Emotions are 50/50.  Take the good with the bad.

Learn how to handle both.  Teach THAT to your children.

Schedule a FREE Mini Coaching Session

The Miracle

Suppose tonight, after you have gone to sleep, a miracle occurs without you knowing. Your problems gone.  When you awake tomorrow, what are some things that you notice happening in the day that might make you realize your problem is gone?

What things are absent?

What things are present?

Write them down.

Now, make a list of all the obstacles that stand between you and that future.

For each obstacle, write a strategy for how to overcome that particular thing.

Now, you have a game plan.  

Keep your list of obstacles and strategies with you where you can see it.

Refer to it often.

Make it happen.

Schedule a FREE Mini Coaching Session

The Weight Loss Stalker

He waits patiently. His window of opportunity is right around the corner.

He is smart. He knows just the right time to strike. He is the Weight Loss Stalker (AKA your primitive brain), and he is out to destroy your weight loss efforts.

He knows just when you are most vulnerable.  It’s that time of day when he starts his chatter. He is sneaky, manipulative, and very convincing. He will do whatever it takes to get his dopamine hit, and you will be the one to give it to him.

He keeps coming back every, single day – no matter what you try to do to get rid of him. He can’t get enough. He always wants more, more, more. There is no use in trying to avoid or resist. He will get you eventually. You will give him what he wants.  Unless

Yes! There is a way to stop him [suspenseful music playing]: your prefrontal cortex (PC brain) is the answer. Only your PC brain can choose your actions. The Weight Loss Stalker can’t. He can only try to control you with his clever manipulations. Your PC brain is the only one that can move your hand to pick up that food… and it is inclined to disagree with the Stalker.  You see, your PC brain wants you to achieve your goals, too. But, you have to listen to your PC brain over the Stalker’s rantings.

The primitive brain can cry and scream and throw a temper tantrum all it wants. But, the logical PC brain chooses our action. Sorry, ol’ cranky primitive brain. Not today. Today, we choose to stay on protocol and eat what we planned in advance.

When does the Weight Loss Stalker come looking for you?

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Professor Prefrontal vs Caveman Primitive

We make 35,000 decisions a day.  They are made with two different parts of the brain: either your prefrontal cortex or your primitive brain.  Can you guess which one should be “in charge” most of the time?

I think about my primitive brain as a caveman (or Thor in the Avengers: Endgame).  I call her the Caveman.

I think about my prefrontal cortex as the professor (or Thor in all of the other Avengers movies).  I call her the Professor.

Caveman just wants to keep us alive: always looking for danger.  She seeks pleasure, avoids pain, and conserves energy.

Professor uses her scientific method in decision making always reaching for our goals.

Caveman wants immediate gratification.

Professor wants to achieve the goal we set despite what is in front of us.

Caveman says we need to eat the donut right now (or we might die).

Professor says that donut won’t help us achieve anything.

Caveman is extremely verbal: all that chattering going on in your head is all her.  She is very persuasive. Never underestimate her. She can yell louder and longer, because she is very motivated by your survival.

Professor will state her case factually and expect you to make the correct decision. She doesn’t even here Caveman’s rattle.

For Caveman, every decision is urgent and frenzied, based on the moment.

For Professor, every decision is based on a plan for a future result.

Caveman is your urges.

Professor is your reasoning.

I love Caveman.  She does a great job of keeping me alive.  But, there just aren’t that many lions running the town these days.  She is more into sugar and flour – getting us the biggest dopamine hits she can find.  

I love Professor.  She keeps pushing me forward toward my goals, becoming better than I was yesterday.

These days, Caveman isn’t really serving me in the food department.  I need Professor’s emotionless viewpoint on food.

She will get me where we want to be… in the ideal body.

Schedule a FREE Mini Coaching Session

Trust

I always thought trust was earned by another person.  Turns out I was wrong.

Trust is an emotion – felt by me.  If I feel trust for you, you can’t feel that.  Only I can.

Trust is not black & white.  I can choose to feel it a little, a lot, or not at all.  It is a spectrum, like any emotion.

Whether I trust you or not is based on how I choose to feel – not your actions.  Wait, what?!

Let’s say you are married.  You choose to trust your spouse.  It turns out, they were cheating on you.  You find out. You no longer trust your spouse now that you know.  But, you trusted them while they were cheating on you. It wasn’t their action that made you not trust them.  It was your thought about their action that created your trust (or lack thereof).

If you have a hard time trusting others, it is because of your beliefs about other people – not their actions.

If you wish you could trust people more, you can.  Right now. You can feel trust at any time.

I’m not saying you should trust every person or all the time… I’m just saying it is available to you. It is your choice and in your control 100%.

Trust me. 😉

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Dream Crushers

We want more in life.  We have this desire, this need, to grow and do more.  Be more.

But, then something gets it our way.  That something is the very reason only 1% achieve that success so many of us crave.  Instead of dealing with that something, we choose safety and security.

We resist.  We react. We avoid.

They are called Dream Crushers. They are called uncomfortable emotions.

Fear

Doubt

Overwhelm

Frustration

Worry

Confusion

Embarrassment

Anxiety

Inadequacy

Why do they matter so much? How can this simple thing stop us from achieving our dreams?

We don’t like the way negative emotions feel.  We attempt to change them or avoid them. The three most common ways of dealing with these dream crushers are overeating, overdrinking, and overworking.  So, we stay stuck – getting no closer to our dreams.

But, that feeling or emotion is simply a vibration in your body that is caused by a thought.  Really. A feeling is simply a vibration, and nothing more.

Really think about that. Those dream crushers, those vibrations that you don’t want to feel, are what is standing between you and your dreams.

I’m ready to change how I think about these negative emotions.  Are you?

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