Out of Control

Does your life feel out of control?

Are you in charge of your life, or is life in charge of you?

There are so many things we want to control but can’t find the way.

How is my house always dirty?

My son’s coach plays favorites. My son is not one of them. Grr.

Why can’t these people drive the speed limit or get out of my way?

Why won’t my husband help out more?

Why are we always broke?

How can they afford to go on all those vacations?

Why am I the only person who can change out the toilet paper?

Don’t teachers know we have other things to do besides homework all night?

Why is my boss so critical?

Why aren’t my children more respectful and well behaved?

I never have enough time.

We get frustrated.

We get overwhelmed.

Instead of finding solutions, we just turn it all off.  We escape reality and comfort ourselves with pleasure.

We drink.

We shop.

We eat comfort foods.

We binge watch Netflix.

We scroll mindlessly through Facebook or achieve level 682 in Candy Crush.

We find comfort.  But, it is only temporary.  When we wake up in the morning, it is all there again… plus a few more pounds… or a nasty hangover… or any empty bank account… or a worn spot on the couch.  We do it all again.

How do I regain control of my life?

How do I get a different result at the end of my day?

If you keep doing the same things, you will keep getting the same results.

If you want a new result, you have to start taking different actions.  Imagine what your life could be like.

If you are ready to get control over your life, click here for a FREE Life Assessment.

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The Teenager

Today, I was waiting in the car for my 15 year old daughter.  I had already been waiting there for ten minutes (as usual). I was annoyed.

Doesn’t she know that is rude?

In church, she was standing next to me… arms crossed, looking half asleep, and non-responsive when I spoke to her.  I was irritated.

Doesn’t she know why we go here?

In a brief moment of passing in our busy lives, she gave me attitude and eye roll (not her father, mind you… just me).  I was miffed.

Doesn’t she know I was just trying to connect with her?

I texted her we needed to do her NHS application and AP exam registration when she got home.  When she arrived, she went to her room without saying a word to me. I was bothered.

Doesn’t she know she needs my help with that (or at least my credit card)?

At dinner, she pulled her phone out and stopped speaking to us.  I was irked.

Doesn’t she know that is unacceptable?

The list could go on… but, you get the idea.

We were standing in a group of people talking, and I was watching her interacting with others.  She was kind, friendly, compassionate, smiling, interacting, and… my princess.

See, she does know all of those things.  We have taught her well. That was our job.  Now, our job is to just love her… and let her go.  She is learning to find her own way. I don’t need to judge or micro-manage her.  I just need to love her… unconditionally… with all the good and the bad that comes with being human.

She is actually a pretty amazing individual if you ever get lucky enough to meet her.  You will think that I’m the crazy one… making up stuff about this beautiful, young woman.  Because, she gets it. She really does. She just needs to spread her wings, and that means pushing me out of her way for a while.  I’m okay with that.

The lesson for me… just love her.  All too soon, she will be gone. Besides, I can’t control those little things that bug me anyway.  Could I give her consequences? Absolutely. But, I think I’ll save that for the big stuff. For now, I’ll just be there when she does decide she needs my help.

Do you need help sorting through your relationship with your child?  Click here to talk to Angela.

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Happy Birthday to Me!

My Year-end Review

I don’t normally reflect on my past.  What’s done is done.

I’m a forward momentum kinda girl.  But, this past year deserves a look back.

You see, this is the year I discovered Life Coaching.  It changed everything for me.

Most of the changes you can’t see.  They are on the inside.  But, you can feel them when you are around me.  I am full of happiness and hope, intent and focus.  I enjoy life every, single day.

Here are just a few things I have learned:

I can feel any emotion and be ok.  No emotion is too big. It is just a vibration in my body.

Overweight is caused by overeating which is caused by overhunger and overdesire.

My relationship with another person is all in my mind.  Their relationship with me is in theirs.

I can allow my desires unanswered without using willpower.

People pleasing = lying.  I don’t really want to do it, so I’m dishonest to say that I do.

Weight loss is 90% what I put in my mouth.

The low fat, low calorie, high exercise approach to losing weight doesn’t in the long run. The goal is to lower my insulin.

My past happened.  All I have now from it are my thoughts about it.   It doesn’t control my future.

It doesn’t matter if we all eat the same thing at dinner.

I no longer need to buffer my emotions with alcohol, food, or screen time.

Other people’s opinions of me are none of my business.

I need to drop the “manuals” I have for other people.  They don’t follow them anyway.

I have found my purpose – to serve others by helping them achieve their goals.

I can love anyone unconditionally… especially myself.

If any of these resonated with you, just click here to ask me any questions you have. I’m here to help you reach your goals, too.

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Emotions: Revisited

We have discussed just exactly what emotions are in a previous blog.

Now, let’s look closer.

Every single thing we do in our lives is because of how we think it will make us feel…. or not feel.

Emotions are 50/50.  The goal is not to be happy all the time.  Sometimes, sadness is much more appropriate.

Sad makes happy exist.

Hate makes love exist.

When you resist an emotion, you make it worse.  Instead, allow it with compassion.

But, realize when you are in indulgent emotions: confusion, overwhelm, emotional exhaustion, worry, and boredom.  These emotions stop you from moving forward with action.

One of the best skills you can develop is feeling on purpose.

  1. What am I feeling right now? (Awareness)
  2. What does this feeling feel like specifically in my body? (Observer)
  3. What do I want to feel right now? (Being deliberate)
  4. How can I practice this feeling?
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The Woman in the Mirror

It is time to LOVE yourself… Unconditionally… Just as you are right now.

We are told focusing on ourselves is wrong.  It is selfish. It is egocentric. We are supposed to be here to serve others. But, accepting yourself AS YOU ARE RIGHT NOW is not a sin. Accepting and loving yourself will only make you better. It is called self-respect.

Think about it.

How can we authentically serve others if we can’t even serve ourselves?

You have to give yourself to serve others.  How are you showing up?

Why are you hiding from yourself? What is it you are trying to bury?

Now, I want you to imagine what you could give to others if you truly loved yourself.

It is the key to unlocking what you desire. When you unconditionally love yourself, everything else will fall into place. Take a look in the mirror.

Take a step back.  You don’t see the beauty in you that others do.  They love you so much. They LOVE that person in the mirror.

Why have you stopped looking in the mirror?  Stop hiding. The rest of your people already see you as you are. They love you exactly how you are – flaws and all.  It is time to find out what they love so much.

Take a long, hard look in the mirror; learn to LOVE unconditionally. Tell yourself every day how amazing your are.  Yes, it will feel strange. But, keep doing it until you start to believe yourself.

Seriously, what if every time you walked past a mirror, you truly loved who you saw?  How amazing would that feel?

Imagine, then, what you would then be able to give to others?

It will be amazing.

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Are you in the game or sitting on the sidelines of your life?

The sideline is for resting and regrouping.

Then, it is time to get back in the game.

The sideline is a place to get help.

Then, it is time to get back in the game.

The sideline is a place for players who have been benched. The sidelines are full of them.

How long have you been sidelined?

It is time to get back in the game.

How can you make a difference on your team?

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Have you made your goals for 2019?

No, I don’t mean the resolutions that so many have already quit on by now.  I mean your goals… what you are actually going to accomplish by the end of the year.

Either way, here is what you need to do.

  1. Write them down.
  2. Read them to yourself EVERY DAY. (You have to tell your brain what to focus on.  Otherwise, it will choose on it’s own. Supervise your brain.)
  3. Put your goals on 3×5 index cards, and read them at stoplights throughout the day.
  4. If you are into creativity, make a vision board.  Put it up where you will see it every day… like in your closet or office.

That is it.  You will be amazed how laser-focused you will be on achieving those goals.  Now, get to it!

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Your Mission

Your Mission… should you choose to accept it is…

  1. to DECIDE what you truly want.
  2. SHOW UP every single day for yourself.
  3. Develop HABITS that will get you where you want to be.

First, and foremost, you have to OWN IT.  No one is making you do this. It is your choice.

Second, you must decide to BELIEVE IT.  If you want to weigh 140 pounds, stop living like a 190 pound person.  See yourself now as that 140 lb version. What choice would she make.

Third, begin to LIVE IT.  Experience life as the person you want to be every, single day.  It is all your choice. Make a habit of choosing your best life.

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Mean Girls

Bare with me here… I’m on a bit of a rant today…

Do you know what I don’t like?  Mean girls… make that mean women.  Grown women acting like we are back in high school…  The drama, fighting, and pettiness brings out my fight or flight instincts… and I’m a fighter.  But, girls don’t throw punches. They are underhanded, manipulative, backstabbing. The funny thing is, it is so obvious to me what is happening.  Do these women actually think the rest of us don’t see through it all?

I innocently happened upon such a group of women recently.  It is a battle of “be my friend, not hers”. It is a lot of… I’m going to butter you up and say nice things to you.  But, my real intention is to pull you to my side and make you hate her. She is bad. She is evil. O.M.G.

THIS is why I have very few women friends.  If you open the circle up too wide, you step in a whole lot of control and manipulation.  It will ruin your favorite pair of shoes.

But, here is the thing… your relationship with anyone is dependent on your thoughts about them. Have any of these women told me “I am being mean to her intentionally,” or “I am trying to control and manipulate you,”? No!  All of this is my thoughts about how these women are acting. The only reason I recognize these behaviors as “mean girl” behaviors is I have experience with them (on both sides of the coin).  My thoughts are coming from my own experience.

And, as Wayne Dyer points out, we attract the energy we are putting out into the universe.  Hhmmmm… need to do a self-check here.

Guess what.  Adults get to do whatever they want to do.  They can be mean girls if they want to be.  Don’t try to control them, either.  Adults don’t like that (check with yourself… you don’t like to be controlled and manipulated, do you?).

Here is what you are responsible for… you.  That’s it. If you don’t like the way someone is acting, leave.  If you are in an environment where leaving is not a choice, don’t interact with that individual.  You only have to take care of you.  Stay in your business.

I always find it easier for me in these situations to be curious about why someone would be so mean, coercive, or flat out cruel.  It takes me out of the equation… which takes away my desire to be the Queen Bee Mean Girl – putting said offender in their place.  People who act this way are always defensive (that is my thought on the matter based on my experiences).  I wonder what is going so wrong in their lives that they feel the need to lash out at others.

I am trying to just love them as humans.  They are people… and they were simply nice people in my mind last week – before I knew of the underhanded drama.  So, I am choosing to love of them while keeping my distance. I don’t do drama any more.

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I’ll have some turkey, with a side of Insecurity…

The holiday season is a joyful time for some and a stressful time for many.  

There are external pressures and expectations around this time of year.  

There are interactions with those that you have not seen in a long time. Whether or not they bring up your weight loss (or lack thereof), you are thinking about it.

How am I going to handle eating at parties?

How can I stay on protocol with all of these unknowns in my plans?

How am I still this fat? I swore to myself that by next Christmas, I would have lost it all… and here I am. I have spent a year losing the same 10 pounds over and over.

Why did she just ask me what diet I’m on now?  What is that supposed to mean?

I could go on and on… our insecurities blossom when our defenses are down.

It is time to stop.  Take a breath. Realize how truly far you have come this year.  Maybe the scale doesn’t show it. But, you do.

Today, celebrate your successes.  Leave your insecurities for your Thought Downloads later.  

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